Creative Frustrations

So I am taking this photography class and I am getting really frustrated with it. My Professor tends to pick on me quite a lot, I think it’s perhaps cause I have done this before, and I am usually the only one that has what she requires on time and in full. That’s not to say that the other folks in my class don’t do their job, there are some really great folks in my class but I seem to be on top of things. Other folks are busy with work and other classes. I do too, but I hate my job so I slack off! (random side note, I am trying to get fired, its not working in my favor!)

Normally I am not picky about critique lets face it I am an artist I am use to being critiqued but, with her its not suggestions on how to improve its more of what she likes and how she wants it to be. Maybe that’s not the case and maybe she is genuinely trying to help and I’m seriously over reacting but really, I don’t see it as coming across that way. I see it as being picky and trying to change my story! I understand that she wants us to make a good print and that’s all fine and dandy and everything but then don’t give us an assignment where you tell us to put together a narrative, story type of thing. Because in this case my booboo prints as I like to call them work best with what my story is trying to say and this is where the frustration begins.

As an artist we see things a bit differently. I am not looking at this from a technical perspective; I am looking at it from an artist’s narrative perspective. To me there is no technical, booboos are the best part of art! To me my booboo prints are fine because that’s how I see my story going. To her its all technical and it wastes my time, money cause I waste a lot of paper, and engery. But to be fair and in all honestly, my professor is fair to an extent, a bit harsh and critical at times and a giant pain in my ass but fair and as much as she makes me redo a print for anything else, I’ve done it. I’ve bitched about it but I have done it, cause half the time she’s right. I know she wants me to make the print better and I could, I really could but as an artist my heart is telling me that this looks best I feel that by changing it to her way takes away from the story I am trying to tell and that make me GRRR mad!

My grade depends on the prints being her way and that just isn’t fair. I hate deadlines and I hate working with someone I don’t see eye to eye with. I have been trying to grit my teeth and be cool about it but this project is really grating on my nerves and to be honest I didn’t have many left to begin with! I want my good grade. I don’t wanna toot my own horn, but I am a straight A student and I don’t want the nit pickiness of my professor to reflect on my grade, yet if I give into her I feel like I will be failing myself as an artist and frankly I am just stuck on what to do. Do I turn in the prints my way and let it reflect upon my grade or do it her way to keep my grade the way I want my grade to be. It’s tough. I mean I do have the booboo prints and I can and will put the storyline up my way on my website but it becomes a matter of principle here. Go with my gut and stand up for what I believe in or give in and let her have her way against what my heart is telling me to do.

I have always been a go by the gut type of person but what happens when your gut is just as confused as your mind? And right now that seems to be my case…my heart says stand your ground, my mind says give in and keep the good grade, and my gut says wtf?